“My son, who was a victim of crime, he was shot and killed in 2008. His death impacted my life, our lives very hard. I feel an empty space in my heart that no matter what, it can not be filled. A part of me died with him . I don’t go outside any more because he was murdered right in front of my house. I hate to say the way I coped with it was numbing myself, self medicating. Chris T. was a beautiful young man full of smiles, love. I am still in grieving class, therapy it helps. Sometimes all we need is someone who understands what we are going through and Loved Ones helped me along the way. I’ve been with them for 7yrs now.”

Everything that happens to us brings us to the place we are right now. For me, two violent crimes against my loved ones changed my path and brought me to where I am today. Although I struggle with grief and post traumatic stress, I like to believe that I have become a better person than I may have been otherwise. Experiencing sudden, violent losses brought out a deep empathy and awareness and changed the way I talk to people. More importantly, it made me a good listener. I learned how important it was to simply let people talk when they are in pain. I carry one great piece of advice from my first grief counselor. You are not grieving on anyone else's watch. It is a lifelong journey. Grief is personal and nobody else can tell you how to grieve, when to feel good or bad, when you should be happy again. It will not always be the very first thing you think of in the morning, but it is there with you in your peripheral vision always. And you learn to live with that. We all grieve differently, there is no handbook for this. Having a trusting, loving community of others who truly understand what you have experienced is a vital part of the healing process.

1. Reading the 5 Stages of Grief initially and posting it in my home helped lots. I read it often. 

2. Remembering that my Intelligent, Talented, Educated, Sweet, Kind, GREAT BIG BROTHER, and a GRANDSON , Creative, Handsome SUN SON, would want me to SOAR not SUCCUMB.

3. Joining LOVS WAS and REMAINS AMAZING IN MY RECOVERING. I started off with private individual sessions there for myself and my remaining son, then went into the group with other parents in my situation. 

4. My SUN SON, through his transition, created a business for me named after HIM of course that keeps me busy and earning a bit of money. I handmake crocheted hats and now have become a vendor at different events around the city. I HAVE SAID accidentally CREATED a business, but others say nothing happens by accident.

5. I also get so many SIGNS from my son that he is still with me. Friends and family can’t get over it.

In closing I always knew he was special. I always felt a since of Awe and Admiration while in his Presence. His friend would say while he was living “Long Live the KING” when parting with each other. They all had special salutation's that they used in saying Good Bye to each other. 

HOW Amazing that, that was IYAYI’S, which in his Nigerian Fathers language means “Faith” and so appropriately named BY HIM at his birth at the hospital.

I can’t express how much Loved Ones has helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life. Loved Ones doesn’t just talk at you, but talk with you, teach you how to work through the difficult times. They check on you. The staff at Loved Ones really cares about you and working with you . The care doesn’t stop after a few weeks or months, they are there for you always.